Hating Yourself?

When I was young, I heard many sermons deriding the concept of "self-esteem," saying that it was unbiblical pride. Being prideful and caring for your own soul are different categories. The Bible warns us against hating ourselves in an ungodly way. Proverbs 15:32, "He that refuseth instruction despiseth his own soul: but he that heareth reproof getteth understanding.

People ignore instruction and correction because of pride because they love themselves. No one likes to be wrong. It's even worse when and when someone wants us back on the right track and tells us how to get there. The natural response of our fallen nature is to fight back because no one wants to be wrong. We feel like we are being attacked and then defend ourselves. We look for holes in their argument, excuses for our wrongs, blaming others for their evil intentions and malicious attacks on us. We think we are "protecting" ourselves, but the fact is, we are destroying ourselves. Out of twisted self-love, we hate our souls.

What would you give in exchange for your soul? If you despise your soul, you are trading it off for something, or you regard something more than your soul. When you refuse correction, you exchange your tender feelings for your soul. Sure, you might admit that you have done wrong or are capable of doing wrong, but no one living is in the position to tell you that. But the fact is, most people will see through it, and it backfires. The ego you think you are protecting by never admitting fault is damaged more by never admitting guilt. When it comes to your soul, despising the correction of the law is to hate the cure of the gospel.

When someone tells you that you are wrong, what should you do? The first thing you need to do is to listen. Try to understand what the person is saying to you. A helpful hint here is to reiterate what the person is telling you. Not in a snarky, over-the-top way, but in a way that fairly represents their argument against you so that you completely understand what they are saying. Don't put words in their mouth or look for ways to dismiss it outright. Listen to what they are saying to you. Next, try and disengage from the situation and look at it objectively. That way, you can get your pride out of the picture. David could see the wrong of the rich man who took the poor man's lamb when he wouldn't see what he did to Uriah. Don't accuse the person of attacking you. Look at the situation and see if they are right. Next, find forgiveness in Christ and make corrections if you are wrong. You have grown in understanding and grace, and are now better off than before. And, if the person calling you out really was doing so to hurt you, their plan backfired because now, with their correction, they made you better.